I’ve been thinking a lot about “What was it like a year ago today?”  In some ways it seems like a whole lifetime ago, and a strange and different world, far far away.  In other ways, it seems like it was just yesterday, and life hasn’t changed a whole lot.

A year ago, I had been eating nothing but Optifast shakes for five weeks.  I had lost 23.5 pounds, I had started exercising daily, and I was beginning to feel renewed from the inside out.  I had pretty much run out of 'skinny clothes' and was doing a lot of shopping visits to Value Village and Phase2 stores.

The renewal part is big.  I have developed healthy habits around eating and exercise, but it goes a lot deeper than that - I have developed a new way about thinking about eating and exercise, and about who I am in general.

I have had a few days when I have made bad choices, and it's amazing how quickly the negative self-talk can start back up again.  A couple of times, my weight has been up a little bit or I've felt bloated, and its amazing how I feel like a fat person again and start getting down on myself.  The difference now is that I have learned some tools and I have been able to find a path that allows me to forgive myself for bad choices here and there, and empowers me to problem-solve and come up with strategies and solutions to take corrective action.

Having worked through these struggles has given me a degree of confidence - I'm still nervous about my weight and possible re-gain, but I'm feeling a little less terrified.